Commentary: Life Revisited

I have been doing a couple of things recently that have had me revisiting how I run my life. Oddly, the music of Mac Lethal and the website Lifereboot.com (thanks to Miss Destructo) have had me looking at things a bit differently. It's strange to re-evaluate my life at my age, but sometimes these happen earlier than we think.

I am trying to decide between coming back to Purchase or going to Buffalo State University and switching my major to a completely new course. I am thinking of moving from Psychology to English, follow what I have always had a passion in. I will effectively lose 2 years of schooling, but it is a small price to pay for what I love.

All that is keeping me tuned to Purchase right now is Shanna. She has entered my life like a shooting star and touched me as deep as seeing three in a single night. My problem is... I am confused. Not about her or even my academic future... I am confused about my life. I don't know what I want, so I seem to self-sabotage myself, stopping myself from being happy before the other shoe drops.

What do I do? This seems to be the question of my life right now. Do I go to Buffalo, back home to care for my family and pursue my passion in writing? Do I stay in Purchase? Or do I do the unexpected and move someplace different, away from most people I know and restart my life? So many questions, so little time to decide.


A maudlin post, I know. Not my typical. Just some very late night ramblings and thoughts echoing through my head. So, before I get completely melancholy, I will leave you with some Mac Lethal lyrics that mave stuck with me at every part of my day recently.


Mac Lethal - Sun Storm

And I know,
There's something beautiful within my grasp.
And I know,
I think I'm satisfied but it won't last.
And I know,
To lace my boots up and pick my path.
I'll find another rainstorm to fill my glass.

Mac Lethal - Black Widow Spider

There's a black raincloud floatin' in my head
I always lose at the game of love
I gotta cleanse this nightmare out my system
Somebody wake me up
I'm gonna pop me a pill, gonna die for the girl that'll let me die for her
Cause my ex girl wanna ask me why I feel so strongly like I'm sure
Well, Fuck her.

NOTE:: These lyrics have no bearing on anyone in my life but my own psyche. Do not read into them thinking they are about anyone specific. They are just lyrics that have stuck with me.