Sunday, April 26, 2009

Writing: Moment in Time - Inner Monolouge

He can only grimace as he watches her leave. The escalator under her feet almost serves as a metaphor for their confusing relationship. He turns as her feet disappear above him and walks away. The sounds of the busy terminal fading to his own internal soundtrack. Lately, it has been playing discordant, non-melodic counter harmony. Like a ship captain washed overboard, he is over his head and sees no way back to dry land. The stands and stalls, full of people and worthless possessions, melt into the continually fading background. He tells himself he has done right by her, he has done what he convinced himself was right, but in the hollows of his mind he cannot lie to himself and say it was what he wanted. His face, which had remained as stoic and emotionless since he spoke the words, feels cold. His mind, which was almost convinced that this was what he wanted, knows better. The sight of her leaving erased all doubt about what he wanted. He wanted her.

The double doors slide open with a hydraulic hiss, letting the chill wind brush against his cheeks. Appropriate, he thinks, that the only embrace he receives is from the uncaring wind. Even though the wind shattered his dark musings, the rest of the world remains hidden, darkness beyond the stage lights shining on him. The sounds of the city bounce from him, never registering, never phasing. His mind, having a stranglehold on every thought, move, and notion, fills with her. It throws the truth of the situation at him. She doesn't think of him as more than they are. It throws the truth of his heart at him. He cant help but love her for everything she is. It throws the truth of what he did at him. He gave up what he wanted for her, an act of love that can never by any other man that strikes her fancy.

His driver opens his door with a slight bow and he steps in after one more glace at the plane heading west. He looks out the tinted windows as the car pulls away from the building. He did the right thing, his mind says again. You can do better than her, his mind councils. He smiles a thin smile as he pours himself a jack and coke from the minibar. Sitting back and taking a sip, he finally responds to himself. "You don't give her enough credit, never did. She is absolutely brilliant and you know it. Yes, she is stunningly beautiful and yes, I am aroused by that, but I am more aroused by what lies inside her. She has a beautiful mind and a glowing soul." With a sigh and a glance at the small speck heading for California, he continues, "But you were right about one thing. I did the right thing for both of us." His driver glances back to him and knows all too well what has happened. With a sigh himself, he wonders if his employer, his friend, will ever find happiness again.

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