Commentary: Back Home

It's a strange feeling returning home after being gone for almost 7 years. Besides my brief return to establish residency for my college, this is the first time I have returned for an extremely extended time. It feels like a new toothbrush. You know it's good for you, but stiff bristles attack you at every turn.

Having to reestablish old friendships and try to gain new ones is the hardest part. I have met with a few of my old friends, but a 7 year divide stands between us. I have changed in my time away, I can tell you that. I wouldn't say I am worldly by any extent of the word, but I have moved on while they have remained stagnant. I guess that is the way of the world.

The drive from White Plains to Buffalo was one long drive with nothing but my father in the car and no radio signal driving through the Catskills. Wow, you wouldn't believe the lack of any type of radio outside of country music. Passing some of those small towns, I was almost expecting dueling banjos to start playing on repeat. When you pass by towns you can't find on any maps, with signs made of wood that looks like it was old enough to have been torn off of the Santa Maria... I was frightened and in no mood to squeal like a pig.

I saw a town that looks like it was trapped in the 50's as well. So stuck in the 50's, I saw a malt shop, a full service gas station conveniently named "Gas", a Drug Shoppe, and no modern conveniences. No ATM's, no fast food beyond a burger joint where you get served in your car, no Starbucks...or any coffee shop to be exact. That right there is what actually stopped me from envying this type of life. Coffee is my life-blood. If I had no place to go for my addiction, I believe I could depopulate the place with a waspish attitude and massive headaches. As we all know, us coffee addicts drink coffee to suppress our latent mutations. Who knows what abilities we possess, but they are destructful and you never want to see them.

Arriving back at Buffalo, I found my haven. Tim Horton Coffee. If you never had the pleasure of stopping at a Tim Horton's while in Western New York, do yourself a favor and stop in for a Large Hazelnut Double-Double (Large coffee, hazelnut shot, 2 cream, 2 sugar). You will not be disappointed. If you are here for an extended period of time, I will list a few things you cannot pass on:

Tim Horton's - One of the best, cheapest cups of coffee you can find in the area. Using addictive Canadian creamer, you will desire it for the rest of your life.

Mighty Taco - Yes, you have most likely had Taco Bell, but Taco Hell has nothing on Mighty Taco. Have yourself a value meal and enjoy high quality ingredients along with a large Loganberry soda.

Buffalo Waterfront - A work in progress, the Waterfront is still one of the best places to go for many different attractions:

Shea's Buffalo Performing Arts Center - One of the best places I have ever been to when seeing a play or musical. One of the historical cornerstones of the Waterfront area.

Buffalo Naval Park - To appreciate the Waterfront, you have to tour the 3 retired naval vessels that are always on display. The USS Little Rock, USS Croaker, and USS The Sullivans is a constant reminder of the past and will always hold a special place in your heart as you walk through the passages and cabins that people who defended the United States with their lives once walked and lived.

Nietzsche's - For the night owls, head down to Nietzsche's, near the Waterfront, for live music and a brew with other night owls. Tons of local artists sing and play music with a sprinkle of stand-up comedy days. Good prices and good people, can you ask for more?

Anchor Bar - For those that like history and food in equal amounts, head to the Anchor Bar. The home of the ORIGINAL buffalo wing. Not an imitation, nor an impostor, Anchor Bar is where the wing was born and raised to what it is today. Don't settle for soggy wings ever again, get your grub on with the best wings in the country!

Club Diablo - For those that want to explore the darker side of the dark side of the night, head to Club Diablo. If I could imagine a place to meet Miss Destructo if she ever graced this city with her presence, it would be here. Classy, cozy, one of the best alternative clubs/bars I have ever been to, you get treated to live music, fine brews, and if you are in the area June 12th, you can catch the Purgatory 2 Road Show, the #1 touring fetish show in the nation!

These are just a few of the attractions you can check out, but there is so much more. If you ever want to know of some family, individual, adult, etc, attractions of the great city of Buffalo, feel free to contact me! I am also always down for meeting my readers and would be happy to buy you a drink if you ever see me out and about town! Enjoy your trip here if you ever come, you wont be disappointed!

Poetry: Between the Rain

Falling in slow motion,
reality reflects in each drop.
Warping what the eye beholds,
do we see reality between the rain?

I could sit for an eternity,
watching the rain splash off your laughing eyes.
Lost in the moment,
you become my rain-soaked reality.

Falling in slow motion,
I fall deeper in love with you.
Your rain-soaked face glowing in defused light,
like an angel that descended through the dark clouds.

I want to take your hand but I cant,
because you're a million miles away.
Between the rain and reality my mind warped,
feeling you ever so close but so very far away.

Poetry: Lessons Learned Through Heartbreak

Classes are over;
the final has arrived.
I have taken many notes,
but I am still unprepared.

Lesson one is where it all began,
the Do's and Dont's of relationships.
Mistakes are okay,
because this lesson was a primer.

In this lesson,
you open your pocketbook more than your heart.
Together you should lay your cards on the table;
don't move to the next lesson with skeletons in your closet.

If you learned what is needed,
proceed to lesson two.
Though be wary of this step,
it is where many have failed before.

Lesson two is where things heat up,
and the honeymoon has begun.
Passionate kisses and rough foreplay mark this step,
but as always you must stay vigilant.

The single utterance of a single word,
and you fail and go back to the beginning.
Always be mindful of the song,
what's love got to do with it?

If you survive lesson two,
I owe you a hearty congratulations.
Lesson three is less difficult,
but pitfalls lurk in security.

Lesson three is where you chance saying the word,
though through your mate do you pass or fail.
Given the green light you may advance;
given the red light and it's back to the start.

If love exists as you hope it will,
you are ready for advanced lessons.
If love falters and fails,
consider these lessons learned.

I wish I could take you further,
but the rest is up to you.
I hope you pass the course,
but if not I will be waiting for you at lesson one.

Poetry: Someday (But Not Today)

Someday I will learn,
but not today.
I will stand on my own too feet,
and tell you how much I love you.

Someday you will learn,
but not today.
You will find out how much you miss me,
the day I'm no longer there.

Someday I will get over you,
but not today.
I will forget missed opportunity and blown chances,
finding another to take your place in my heart.

Someday you will laugh,
but not today.
You will smile at the thought of how hard I tried,
but you will know it was all for the best.

Someday I will stop lying to myself,
but not today.
I will admit to myself how much I miss you,
and the way you made me feel.

Writing: Moment in Time - Inner Monolouge

He can only grimace as he watches her leave. The escalator under her feet almost serves as a metaphor for their confusing relationship. He turns as her feet disappear above him and walks away. The sounds of the busy terminal fading to his own internal soundtrack. Lately, it has been playing discordant, non-melodic counter harmony. Like a ship captain washed overboard, he is over his head and sees no way back to dry land. The stands and stalls, full of people and worthless possessions, melt into the continually fading background. He tells himself he has done right by her, he has done what he convinced himself was right, but in the hollows of his mind he cannot lie to himself and say it was what he wanted. His face, which had remained as stoic and emotionless since he spoke the words, feels cold. His mind, which was almost convinced that this was what he wanted, knows better. The sight of her leaving erased all doubt about what he wanted. He wanted her.

The double doors slide open with a hydraulic hiss, letting the chill wind brush against his cheeks. Appropriate, he thinks, that the only embrace he receives is from the uncaring wind. Even though the wind shattered his dark musings, the rest of the world remains hidden, darkness beyond the stage lights shining on him. The sounds of the city bounce from him, never registering, never phasing. His mind, having a stranglehold on every thought, move, and notion, fills with her. It throws the truth of the situation at him. She doesn't think of him as more than they are. It throws the truth of his heart at him. He cant help but love her for everything she is. It throws the truth of what he did at him. He gave up what he wanted for her, an act of love that can never by any other man that strikes her fancy.

His driver opens his door with a slight bow and he steps in after one more glace at the plane heading west. He looks out the tinted windows as the car pulls away from the building. He did the right thing, his mind says again. You can do better than her, his mind councils. He smiles a thin smile as he pours himself a jack and coke from the minibar. Sitting back and taking a sip, he finally responds to himself. "You don't give her enough credit, never did. She is absolutely brilliant and you know it. Yes, she is stunningly beautiful and yes, I am aroused by that, but I am more aroused by what lies inside her. She has a beautiful mind and a glowing soul." With a sigh and a glance at the small speck heading for California, he continues, "But you were right about one thing. I did the right thing for both of us." His driver glances back to him and knows all too well what has happened. With a sigh himself, he wonders if his employer, his friend, will ever find happiness again.

Poetry: Falling Away

I feel it happening,
but have no way to stop it.
I'm falling away,
leaving pieces of me far behind.

Searching for the greener pastures,
but only finding sand.
Sifting through the ashes,
I'm falling away.

Like a snakes shedded skin,
I feel like a husk of what I was.
I need to keep my head up high,
collect all the pieces that are falling away.

You were once my refuge,
my hiding place from the world.
I look for you now,
but you have fallen away.

I need you now more than ever,
like a child lost without their parents.
I'm falling away and I need you,
but you are no longer around.

Forgive my somber musings,
but then again you have always been forgiving.
Come back in my life and re-ignite my smile,
pick up my pieces that have fallen away.

Writing: Moment in Time - Epipheny

Her sorrow snaps him from his brooding, like a dog doused in cold water. His eyes glance up, see the tears running down her face. Knowing what he should do, he is frozen in his own indecision. Should he comfort her? Will she let him? He strums another cord on his guitar as he stares into her face, drinking in the tear-soaked radiance.

How can he just sit there, she thinks. How can he watch me cry and not offer anything? Doesn't he know he is part of the reason I cry? She does not wipe the tears from her face, the warmth they let off helps ward off the chill of this late November night.

He can not remove his eyes from her face. He feels like he is caught in a web, staring at his soon to be killer. He realizes in that moment that it is true. She is his killer. Every time she cries, a part of him dies. He can feel it in his heart, the strain, the ache, every time a fresh tear is made. Could it be love, he muses. He has never known love before. Every relationship he has been in has been a relationship of lust. He strums another note.

I can not take this anymore, she silently screams. I am going to leave him tonight. To hell with love. Her tears flow faster, soaking her shirt now. The sorrow in her heart could never be matched by those tears, she tells herself, as she lowers her head into her hands like a broken hearted child.

His hands close around hers, causing her head to snap up in sorrowful astonishment. He says nothing as he looks deep into her red streaked eyes. He knows what he has done. He knows what he did the entire time, he just could not stop himself. That was always his problem. He thought too much, took too long to act and it always cost him. He was determined not to let her slip away from him, not again.

Like a key in a lock, they both knew they were destined for each other. It is going to be difficult loving me, his eyes said softly to her. I love you, her lips slowly parted. I am not an easy man, his eyes said sadly. I love you, her eyes slowly closed. I love you, his mouth finally said, as he kissed her.