Once I had the world, or so I thought,
I had the girl, the job, the car,
but circumstances wouldn't pan out,
and alone I went to a land very far.
Once I thought I was happy with where I was,
but the days became the same, blurring in my eyes,
caffeine and alcohol became an interchangeable buzz,
I left before my bad habits could surprise.
Once I gave a girl a ring and thought she was the one,
I carved the diamond out of my heart, trusting her for all time,
but she used my mind and soul, locking me under the barrel of a gun,
I left and did what I had to do, saving my sanity from her filthy grime.
Once I thought I couldn't love again, but then I met you,
the one who taught me that love comes when we least expect it,
I offer up what I can, giving you love and affection for all you do,
you, that missing part of my heart, the part no one else could fit.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Commentary: Lovesick Lovefool (Part 2)
Welcome to part two of the Lovesick Lovefool commentary and if you have stuck around for this long, you have read about the end of a relationship, but you ask yourself, "Sonic, what about the other end of the spectrum, the birth of a new relationship?" Well, worry yourselves not, perusers of the internet, I will be going into it today. Unlike the death of a relationship, the start of one is generally painless, but there are times where pain comes in the baggage from one or both of the entrants into this union. Sit back and grab a drink (as always, I suggest a nice medium blend coffee) and delve deep into the birth of a relationship, and how to maintain it during those heady few months.
Young love, ahh, we all remember it well. Oh, I'm not talking love that was once had in those dim and distant days when you were barely grown into your body. I'm speaking of the love that has just entered your life. The love that suddenly has you spinning like a top. The love that has you singing in the shower, the streets, classrooms, and workplaces. You got it, that love. You found the person who makes you feel. That's it, they make you feel in a way you haven't felt about another person. They make you feel like you could conquer the world with only their minimal encouragement. These are the best days you can imagine. You're not laying down any rules on each other as of yet, you both just genuinely take pleasure in each others company and making each other happy. . . plus all the benefits of those in a serious relationship. After the honeymoon days are done, what then? It's possible that those feelings you had early on start to flag and the little things that your partner does begins to irritate you. We all have those experiences, but they don't spell the end of a strong-lasting couple in the making.
Understanding that these moments will happen is key. Understanding in itself is key. Things wont stay the same, but they don't have to get worse, though it takes effort to turn a negative into a positive. Keeping things from growing stagnant is important because you realize that the same routine just won't cut it now that you are in a serious relationship. It could be a simple activity as you use to go out for drinks on Friday night, now you do a different activity. Maybe a dinner and movie. Maybe a weekend trip together to someplace neither of you have been. These small concessions to the future of your relationship are sometimes necessary and you must be willing to bend. You will get frustrated and you will get upset, but it is up to you how you decide to handle them and handling them starts with understanding them.
Many fine relationship experts will tell you that sending gifts to your loved one on the spur of the moment is a good thing to strengthen your relationship. This is not necessarily bad advice, but I would take it one step further. Hypothetically, if you showed up at home or at your significant others residence one day, did all the hey-how-are-you activities, told them to grab a jacket and go driving with you, but you take them not only on a little drive, but lets say you arranged a picnic for the two of you way out in the hills. This type of activity doesn't break the bank, it doesn't put pressure on your partner if they received a ring or some trinket to like it. These small personal touches make a huge difference no matter the gender of your partner. There has been times I have taken my partner on car rides across state lines just to take them to a day concert of a band I knew they loved, but never thought they would see. It was simple, a tank of gas, tickets to a country fair, and food while we were there. Important notice, though, don't do things like this with the expectance to get anything in return. If you do things for your loved one with the expectation to be reciprocated, you might not be in the right relationship for you (depends on your partner, I would guess).
I am in no way an expert on relationships and this bit of commentary is in no way a definitive article on what you should or should not do. These are just a few things I have done in my life that worked well to help pass the months where the relationship starts to lose that "new car" scent. Coming out of a long term relationship myself, I have experienced both sides of this two part commentary. I have been so deep in love, done the little things that need to be done to keep a relationship strong, but towards the end, I began to realize the toxicity and how it was affecting me, choosing to severe the diseased limb before it spread to the roots and became too late. I hope everyone who reads this will never go through heartbreak, but sadly many of us have gone through it already, are going through it, or will be going through it at some point in their lives. All I can offer is support and the knowledge that things do look darkest just before the dawn, but the dawn is coming. Just keep waiting for it and if you haven't found that someone special, you will, and you will understand each word that I have put down a different way then than you do right now.
Young love, ahh, we all remember it well. Oh, I'm not talking love that was once had in those dim and distant days when you were barely grown into your body. I'm speaking of the love that has just entered your life. The love that suddenly has you spinning like a top. The love that has you singing in the shower, the streets, classrooms, and workplaces. You got it, that love. You found the person who makes you feel. That's it, they make you feel in a way you haven't felt about another person. They make you feel like you could conquer the world with only their minimal encouragement. These are the best days you can imagine. You're not laying down any rules on each other as of yet, you both just genuinely take pleasure in each others company and making each other happy. . . plus all the benefits of those in a serious relationship. After the honeymoon days are done, what then? It's possible that those feelings you had early on start to flag and the little things that your partner does begins to irritate you. We all have those experiences, but they don't spell the end of a strong-lasting couple in the making.
Understanding that these moments will happen is key. Understanding in itself is key. Things wont stay the same, but they don't have to get worse, though it takes effort to turn a negative into a positive. Keeping things from growing stagnant is important because you realize that the same routine just won't cut it now that you are in a serious relationship. It could be a simple activity as you use to go out for drinks on Friday night, now you do a different activity. Maybe a dinner and movie. Maybe a weekend trip together to someplace neither of you have been. These small concessions to the future of your relationship are sometimes necessary and you must be willing to bend. You will get frustrated and you will get upset, but it is up to you how you decide to handle them and handling them starts with understanding them.
Many fine relationship experts will tell you that sending gifts to your loved one on the spur of the moment is a good thing to strengthen your relationship. This is not necessarily bad advice, but I would take it one step further. Hypothetically, if you showed up at home or at your significant others residence one day, did all the hey-how-are-you activities, told them to grab a jacket and go driving with you, but you take them not only on a little drive, but lets say you arranged a picnic for the two of you way out in the hills. This type of activity doesn't break the bank, it doesn't put pressure on your partner if they received a ring or some trinket to like it. These small personal touches make a huge difference no matter the gender of your partner. There has been times I have taken my partner on car rides across state lines just to take them to a day concert of a band I knew they loved, but never thought they would see. It was simple, a tank of gas, tickets to a country fair, and food while we were there. Important notice, though, don't do things like this with the expectance to get anything in return. If you do things for your loved one with the expectation to be reciprocated, you might not be in the right relationship for you (depends on your partner, I would guess).
I am in no way an expert on relationships and this bit of commentary is in no way a definitive article on what you should or should not do. These are just a few things I have done in my life that worked well to help pass the months where the relationship starts to lose that "new car" scent. Coming out of a long term relationship myself, I have experienced both sides of this two part commentary. I have been so deep in love, done the little things that need to be done to keep a relationship strong, but towards the end, I began to realize the toxicity and how it was affecting me, choosing to severe the diseased limb before it spread to the roots and became too late. I hope everyone who reads this will never go through heartbreak, but sadly many of us have gone through it already, are going through it, or will be going through it at some point in their lives. All I can offer is support and the knowledge that things do look darkest just before the dawn, but the dawn is coming. Just keep waiting for it and if you haven't found that someone special, you will, and you will understand each word that I have put down a different way then than you do right now.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Poetry: Poetic Reasoning
What if I offered you what you wanted, but you turned away?
Giving you all you need with the desperate hope you'd stay,
knowing that I stood no chance from the start - punishing
myself with your love, but living every moment accepting.
Within this moment, I wish to hold you - spilling my heart,
but with that not possible, I content myself by sharing my art.
I write this for you and pour out my soul for you to drink
every emotion and kiss from this text - this indelible ink.
I can only hope the arrows I fire strike true in your soul
lighting the spark that now burns inside you beyond control.
If you feel for me as I feel for you now, let your kiss steal me
and dance with me, love, under the broad leaves of the pleasure tree.
Giving you all you need with the desperate hope you'd stay,
knowing that I stood no chance from the start - punishing
myself with your love, but living every moment accepting.
Within this moment, I wish to hold you - spilling my heart,
but with that not possible, I content myself by sharing my art.
I write this for you and pour out my soul for you to drink
every emotion and kiss from this text - this indelible ink.
I can only hope the arrows I fire strike true in your soul
lighting the spark that now burns inside you beyond control.
If you feel for me as I feel for you now, let your kiss steal me
and dance with me, love, under the broad leaves of the pleasure tree.
Commentary: Lovesick Lovefool
Caring for a person can lead people in strange directions. It's a drug that most of the world population is addicted to. Be it attraction to another person, money, power, objects, or a feeling. We are all lovestruck in some sense of the word. Even though we are lovestruck, we are sometimes in situations where we feel prevented from showing, or telling, the world of our love. Not that being in love in one of those above ways is wrong, but because we feel like we are trapped. The truth is that we are trapped, but only by ourselves.
Imagine, if you will, you are married to a person, things haven't been smooth all the years you have been together, but you go through the motions anyway, just because you are afraid of hurting them and being alone. You meet someone through work or just a random situation. One meeting turns to two, then to four, then to multiple times a week. This person understands you, doesn't judge you, doesn't pressure you. This person makes you feel the way you know the person you're married to should be making you feel. You tried to get it through to your husband/wife that you're not happy, and it seems to work for a week or so, but then the cold shoulder only returns. What do you do? Do you attempt to take a chance? Do you make the decision to go on your own (if childless) and end the marriage that was made only for the sake that you thought you could do no better? Is what you feel real or are you just a lovesick lovefool?
These are all important questions and I am not going to answer them for you, because I can't. It is up to the person who, sadly, is stuck in the middle of two loves - one quickly rising and the other nothing but a flicker. No one wants to hurt another person intentional, or at the very least shouldn't want to, but hurting happens. Too many people stay in relationships, marriage/engagement/dating/etc., just because they do not want to hurt the person they are with and feel like that if they do end it, they won't be strong enough to stay away or stay alone. It's a tough choice, but toxicity in relationships is unfortunately not uncommon. When one prospers, the other suffers. Relationships are about a careful balance, from friendship all the way up through marriage, balance is key.
Why is balance an important aspect in a relationship? The answer is simple. Ask yourself, if I do this, it would make me happy, but if I do it it will make my partner unhappy, would I still do it? In menial actions, many people would say yes. Oh, if I go golfing today and my partner doesn't want me to because they want to go pick out a new couch we won't even buy, they will just get over it. Many people see the situation this way, but what if it is a more important action. What if it involves uprooting your lives and making your partner miserable? Do you still do it and make them just 'deal' with it? That is a question you need to ask yourself. What if they did it to you? Would you feel the same way if you were told to just 'deal' with it? Of course you wouldn't. Balance. The good comes with the bad, but concessions need to be made, and if one side won't bend, maybe the only right choice is to break (it off).
I'm not advocating ending of relationships over anything, but ending a situation before it advances to the point where it is impossible to end it is an important decision to make. Be sure in your choices. Once they are made, they are made, someone will be hurt if the choice involves ending something. Love is a grand thing and you can be deep in a current relationship when you find that the love you thought you had wasn't what you wanted, but suddenly it comes out of nowhere and sends you ass over tea kettle. This is going to be a two-part article, with part two dealing with the budding romance. Got to end the doom and gloom of dying romances as quickly as possible, eh?
Imagine, if you will, you are married to a person, things haven't been smooth all the years you have been together, but you go through the motions anyway, just because you are afraid of hurting them and being alone. You meet someone through work or just a random situation. One meeting turns to two, then to four, then to multiple times a week. This person understands you, doesn't judge you, doesn't pressure you. This person makes you feel the way you know the person you're married to should be making you feel. You tried to get it through to your husband/wife that you're not happy, and it seems to work for a week or so, but then the cold shoulder only returns. What do you do? Do you attempt to take a chance? Do you make the decision to go on your own (if childless) and end the marriage that was made only for the sake that you thought you could do no better? Is what you feel real or are you just a lovesick lovefool?
These are all important questions and I am not going to answer them for you, because I can't. It is up to the person who, sadly, is stuck in the middle of two loves - one quickly rising and the other nothing but a flicker. No one wants to hurt another person intentional, or at the very least shouldn't want to, but hurting happens. Too many people stay in relationships, marriage/engagement/dating/etc., just because they do not want to hurt the person they are with and feel like that if they do end it, they won't be strong enough to stay away or stay alone. It's a tough choice, but toxicity in relationships is unfortunately not uncommon. When one prospers, the other suffers. Relationships are about a careful balance, from friendship all the way up through marriage, balance is key.
Why is balance an important aspect in a relationship? The answer is simple. Ask yourself, if I do this, it would make me happy, but if I do it it will make my partner unhappy, would I still do it? In menial actions, many people would say yes. Oh, if I go golfing today and my partner doesn't want me to because they want to go pick out a new couch we won't even buy, they will just get over it. Many people see the situation this way, but what if it is a more important action. What if it involves uprooting your lives and making your partner miserable? Do you still do it and make them just 'deal' with it? That is a question you need to ask yourself. What if they did it to you? Would you feel the same way if you were told to just 'deal' with it? Of course you wouldn't. Balance. The good comes with the bad, but concessions need to be made, and if one side won't bend, maybe the only right choice is to break (it off).
I'm not advocating ending of relationships over anything, but ending a situation before it advances to the point where it is impossible to end it is an important decision to make. Be sure in your choices. Once they are made, they are made, someone will be hurt if the choice involves ending something. Love is a grand thing and you can be deep in a current relationship when you find that the love you thought you had wasn't what you wanted, but suddenly it comes out of nowhere and sends you ass over tea kettle. This is going to be a two-part article, with part two dealing with the budding romance. Got to end the doom and gloom of dying romances as quickly as possible, eh?
Friday, December 4, 2009
Writing: Moment in Time - No Denying It
He could deny everything he felt for her, but as his lips touched hers, he knew that each excuse was spurious. His hand holding hers above her wealth of color tinted hair, fingers locked in an embrace all their own. His lips hovered less than an inch above hers and he could feel the electricity passing through that narrow breach between them. When it finally happened, he was sure they both could feel the audible click of a key entering a lock, but realizes that the sound could have been lost in the beating of two hearts that echoed throughout the room. The pressure of two bodies meeting erased all though as their fingers dug in to each other, losing sense of time and space in that first kiss.
His kisses trail down her lips to the groove between lip and chin, making her eyes close in pleasure. His free hand travels down the side of her face and down her shoulder, feeling the soft skin shiver as it exposes to the chilled December air. His eyes close as his lips trail downward, laying light kisses on her neck, forcing her body to respond with a slight gasp as she can also feel his hand travel slowly down the soft skin of her body. His lips trace a line between her breasts, the smile on his face and the groan of displeasure coming from her wanting lips tells him that he made the right choice. Sacrifice now for more later.
He lightly kisses down her stomach, lips closing in on the final destination of his previously sent hand. A flick and slow wrist movement allows the button and zipper of her jeans to open and slide to the side. His lips touch the top band of her panties and he feels an earthquake roll through her body. Hips rising eagerly to meet his eager lips, her now released hand sliding through his hair, pushing downwards and pulling upwards at the same time. His hand explores, lightly tugging and moving the fabric down slowly but surely. Her breathing becomes erratic, beating to the drumbeat of her heart that sounds in his ears, drowning out everything around them. His hand slides inside as a shrill sound shatters the still air around them, instantly freezing them into time-forgotten statues. Cursing the alarm, he looks at her, his eyes asking yes or no, but the answer he gets leaves a hot surge of disappointment in his mouth. As they started to get ready, she turns to him and kisses him lightly, the word 'soon' breathed into his mouth just before their lips touched. 'Soon', he replied with a smile as he pulled her into his arms once again.
His kisses trail down her lips to the groove between lip and chin, making her eyes close in pleasure. His free hand travels down the side of her face and down her shoulder, feeling the soft skin shiver as it exposes to the chilled December air. His eyes close as his lips trail downward, laying light kisses on her neck, forcing her body to respond with a slight gasp as she can also feel his hand travel slowly down the soft skin of her body. His lips trace a line between her breasts, the smile on his face and the groan of displeasure coming from her wanting lips tells him that he made the right choice. Sacrifice now for more later.
He lightly kisses down her stomach, lips closing in on the final destination of his previously sent hand. A flick and slow wrist movement allows the button and zipper of her jeans to open and slide to the side. His lips touch the top band of her panties and he feels an earthquake roll through her body. Hips rising eagerly to meet his eager lips, her now released hand sliding through his hair, pushing downwards and pulling upwards at the same time. His hand explores, lightly tugging and moving the fabric down slowly but surely. Her breathing becomes erratic, beating to the drumbeat of her heart that sounds in his ears, drowning out everything around them. His hand slides inside as a shrill sound shatters the still air around them, instantly freezing them into time-forgotten statues. Cursing the alarm, he looks at her, his eyes asking yes or no, but the answer he gets leaves a hot surge of disappointment in his mouth. As they started to get ready, she turns to him and kisses him lightly, the word 'soon' breathed into his mouth just before their lips touched. 'Soon', he replied with a smile as he pulled her into his arms once again.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Writing: Moment in Time - Mental Road Trip
I sit back on my bed, watching the stars glow above me, wondering where I went right. I reach above my head and slide a dart between my fingers and throw it at the map on my wall. Washington. I could see myself there. I would sit day after day writing, revising, editing, and re-writing, at a local coffee shop only to leave after a few hours to walk down the road to another coffee shop to watch the flow of humanity walk to and fro. At night I could head to a city and find where grunge was born, dance to songs forgotten since the late 1990's, and marvel at the waves of plaid and goatee's that come over me. I could see myself going there. Reaching up again, another dart flies towards the unknown.
Texas. I don't think I would enjoy myself there, though I only know of the stereotypes that most northeastern citizens hear. Steers, horses, country music, and all the racist fun that comes along with them. I could be wrong though, I absolutely know that. I could go to Huston and be blown away by culture, history, and a relaxed way of life that attacks me like the judgmental intruder I am. Another dart, another state, or maybe another state of mind. Florida. I gave that land my time, losing my friends and my heart all in one intake of breath. I'm no longer sure I could go back and it feel remotely the same. Sitting by the beach, watching the waves crash over the rocky coastline. Sweltering nights of liquor and romance that dies even before it has a chance to breath, like some prom night abortion. The uneasy feelings and the suspicions that you are not welcome are not things I would look forward to. I breath deeply, exhaling another part of a painful past, and reach for another dart.
Maine. I could see myself there easily. The change of seasons, picturesque landscapes, and snow filled nights seated by a roaring fireplace could fill my days. I would go down to the town and chat with the locals who have lived in this remote location for their entire lives. I could see myself settling down, making a family, living for love and writing, which is just another love of mine. I smile as I think about it and the image of the person I would spend my life loving and reach for another dart. New York. I would be able to see myself here if I wasn't already here. Living a life of quiet obscurity in a snow and poverty choked city like Buffalo. Living a life at the speed of sound in a city of lights and sounds like New York City. I could do it all and have done it all. I believe only a few things could ever keep me here; quelching my wanderlust with love and caring.
I reach for another dart, but they are all gone. Looking at the darts, I can see each of the locations vividly in my mind, the years rolling by one on top of the other. I glance at the clock and realize that I have been lost in my own little world for way too long, I almost missed my window - my chance. I reach for my phone and call my muse, my reason for the dreams I had while I watched the stars glow, and ask her when I will see her tomorrow.
Texas. I don't think I would enjoy myself there, though I only know of the stereotypes that most northeastern citizens hear. Steers, horses, country music, and all the racist fun that comes along with them. I could be wrong though, I absolutely know that. I could go to Huston and be blown away by culture, history, and a relaxed way of life that attacks me like the judgmental intruder I am. Another dart, another state, or maybe another state of mind. Florida. I gave that land my time, losing my friends and my heart all in one intake of breath. I'm no longer sure I could go back and it feel remotely the same. Sitting by the beach, watching the waves crash over the rocky coastline. Sweltering nights of liquor and romance that dies even before it has a chance to breath, like some prom night abortion. The uneasy feelings and the suspicions that you are not welcome are not things I would look forward to. I breath deeply, exhaling another part of a painful past, and reach for another dart.
Maine. I could see myself there easily. The change of seasons, picturesque landscapes, and snow filled nights seated by a roaring fireplace could fill my days. I would go down to the town and chat with the locals who have lived in this remote location for their entire lives. I could see myself settling down, making a family, living for love and writing, which is just another love of mine. I smile as I think about it and the image of the person I would spend my life loving and reach for another dart. New York. I would be able to see myself here if I wasn't already here. Living a life of quiet obscurity in a snow and poverty choked city like Buffalo. Living a life at the speed of sound in a city of lights and sounds like New York City. I could do it all and have done it all. I believe only a few things could ever keep me here; quelching my wanderlust with love and caring.
I reach for another dart, but they are all gone. Looking at the darts, I can see each of the locations vividly in my mind, the years rolling by one on top of the other. I glance at the clock and realize that I have been lost in my own little world for way too long, I almost missed my window - my chance. I reach for my phone and call my muse, my reason for the dreams I had while I watched the stars glow, and ask her when I will see her tomorrow.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Poetry: Stop Means Go (Refusal to Give Up on Love)
I refused to stop when the red lights flashed,
and I refused to stop when the signs pointed to no.
I refused to stop when you said we couldn't make it,
and I'll refuse to stop because I love you.
We had our chance to stop but the ball is rolling,
too big to stop even if we really wanted - but we don't.
We can refuse what we know and how we feel,
but we cannot refuse what's in our hearts despite our efforts.
I'm not worried because I cant refuse it,
my world is spinning as much as yours.
I'm not scared because I wont refuse it,
my love is such that it has no fears.
Let go.
Give in.
Relax.
Let love in.
and I refused to stop when the signs pointed to no.
I refused to stop when you said we couldn't make it,
and I'll refuse to stop because I love you.
We had our chance to stop but the ball is rolling,
too big to stop even if we really wanted - but we don't.
We can refuse what we know and how we feel,
but we cannot refuse what's in our hearts despite our efforts.
I'm not worried because I cant refuse it,
my world is spinning as much as yours.
I'm not scared because I wont refuse it,
my love is such that it has no fears.
Let go.
Give in.
Relax.
Let love in.
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