I sit back on my bed, watching the stars glow above me, wondering where I went right. I reach above my head and slide a dart between my fingers and throw it at the map on my wall. Washington. I could see myself there. I would sit day after day writing, revising, editing, and re-writing, at a local coffee shop only to leave after a few hours to walk down the road to another coffee shop to watch the flow of humanity walk to and fro. At night I could head to a city and find where grunge was born, dance to songs forgotten since the late 1990's, and marvel at the waves of plaid and goatee's that come over me. I could see myself going there. Reaching up again, another dart flies towards the unknown.
Texas. I don't think I would enjoy myself there, though I only know of the stereotypes that most northeastern citizens hear. Steers, horses, country music, and all the racist fun that comes along with them. I could be wrong though, I absolutely know that. I could go to Huston and be blown away by culture, history, and a relaxed way of life that attacks me like the judgmental intruder I am. Another dart, another state, or maybe another state of mind. Florida. I gave that land my time, losing my friends and my heart all in one intake of breath. I'm no longer sure I could go back and it feel remotely the same. Sitting by the beach, watching the waves crash over the rocky coastline. Sweltering nights of liquor and romance that dies even before it has a chance to breath, like some prom night abortion. The uneasy feelings and the suspicions that you are not welcome are not things I would look forward to. I breath deeply, exhaling another part of a painful past, and reach for another dart.
Maine. I could see myself there easily. The change of seasons, picturesque landscapes, and snow filled nights seated by a roaring fireplace could fill my days. I would go down to the town and chat with the locals who have lived in this remote location for their entire lives. I could see myself settling down, making a family, living for love and writing, which is just another love of mine. I smile as I think about it and the image of the person I would spend my life loving and reach for another dart. New York. I would be able to see myself here if I wasn't already here. Living a life of quiet obscurity in a snow and poverty choked city like Buffalo. Living a life at the speed of sound in a city of lights and sounds like New York City. I could do it all and have done it all. I believe only a few things could ever keep me here; quelching my wanderlust with love and caring.
I reach for another dart, but they are all gone. Looking at the darts, I can see each of the locations vividly in my mind, the years rolling by one on top of the other. I glance at the clock and realize that I have been lost in my own little world for way too long, I almost missed my window - my chance. I reach for my phone and call my muse, my reason for the dreams I had while I watched the stars glow, and ask her when I will see her tomorrow.
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