Commentary: Blue November (Or Why I Feel Like I'm On A Nowhere Road)

Holidays are always a stressful time for people, I'm no different. All over the world it's the same. Hopefully people have those in their lives that make them happy and I'm not saying that I don't, but this holiday has been lacking. I am grateful to my sister and her life partner for creating a wonderful meal and a wonderful day of cooking and laughing, but the feeling of something missing is still there. It's a time for giving thanks, and I have to do that for a few things before I continue:

• I thank the wonderful people in my life.  All my friends that span the United States and beyond.  Most of you have been with me through the rough and smooth and I am lucky to have you all in my life.
• I thank my family for the wonderful support they have given me no matter my decisions in life.
• I thank you people that come here and enjoy my writing.  I wish I could give each of you a personalized message thanking you, but I would spend most of my days doing that.  As a thanks for you, I strive to provide you with interesting things to read and hopefully you enjoy them.

Now that is out of the way, I can settle in and speak what I wanted to comment on today.  Like many people in this world, I spent the time today with family, but still alone.  Family is great, but having someone with you is another matter all together.  I rarely have spent a holiday alone in the last 10 years, but this year I will be spending two (unless things change by Christmas).  It's not a fun thing to do, but many of us do have this predicament.  We survive through it day in and day out, but on holiday's, the isolation is amplified.

My own situation is one of my own making, so the blame is squarely where it belongs.  I have tended to fall for impossible situations, which, as the word implies, is impossible.  Like approaching a wall 100 feet tall and infinitely wide and trying to punch your way through, I stupidly walk forward with my hand ready to play battering ram.  This is one thing I am not thankful for, but I am thankful I have been able to avoid getting too deep in each of those situations most of the time.  The far away, the married, and the engaged, these have for some reason become a few of my favorite things, which is just a form of self torture, really.  Maybe it is a way of not having to get too close.  Maybe it's a way to keep myself from falling for these unavailable women.  Who knows, but I can say the second of those is wrong.  I have fallen, but I still drag myself back up.  Another thing I'm thankful for.

To the lonely on this holiday, I love you.  Simple as that.  Those the feel that there is no one that cares for them beyond their immediate friends and family, you have me.  That can mean nothing, something, or anywhere in between those to you, but there you have it.  I look forward to providing more bits and pieces of me and the world around me for you to enjoy. I am thankful that you all allow me to do what I love.  Happy Holidays.

Added bonus:  A few pictures of the people in my life, all of which I am thankful for: